Chill or Be Chilled.

• 8 cups fluid excretions of your favourite fruits, rodents or ghouls
• 5 cups carbonated water. How you aerate is none of my concern.
• 1 punnet cheerful, rosy red strawberries, thoroughly terrified, enslaved and eviscerated, in that order
• 2 kiwifruit or oranges, summarily disemboweled
• Ice cubes, to serve. Square ones, if you have them. Anything else is an abomination. Which would also do nicely.
• Hatred. Buckets and buckets of hatred.
• Balled up fists (at least 1 per person)

Wind yourself up into a furious mass.
Work quickly, before anything congeals.
Cause fluids to gush together into a large punch bowl or serving jug.
Amalgamate with strawberries and kiwifruit.
Chill for an hour or so.  (The drink, that is, not you.  You should continue working up the fury.)
To serve, add the ice cubes.  Ball your fists.
Add the punch.
Devour.

We all know someone we’d love to give one to…