Cheap, nourishing gruel, genetically engineered to get you through 18 years of
exile.

Ingredients:

1 onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 potato, chopped
1/3 cup mushrooms, chopped
3 cloves garlic. chopped
3 bay leaves, chopped
1 tbsp soy sauce, chopped
8 cups water, chopped
salt and pepper, chopped

Should a nearby planet happen to explode and change your planet’s orbit rendering
your environment a barely habitable wasteland, some of the above ingredients may
be difficult to source. In this situation, you should substitute the following
list of ingredients:

Ceti eel.

Preparation:

Put ingredients together in a sturdy heat-proof pot. Place over a raging,
vengeful fire at the centre of a dead planet.

Bring it to the boil.  “It” being your heart, your fury and your blinding ambition.

Keep boiling.

Boil away, underground, for 18 years.

For hate’s sake, add more water if necessary.

Boil it until it hurts. Then go on hurting it.

Boil it some more.

Eventually, you should also boil the stuff in the pot.  Boil til everything is dead.

Adjust seasoning to taste.

This is a dish best served cold.

Serves 72.

Devour.

Are you out of your Vulcan mind? I’d rather eat static.