This post is for all you demigods looking for Hors D’Oeuvres recipes. You know who you are. Maybe you’re an old hand and you’ve been asked repeatedly to harness your creativity and provide the pre-dinner snacks for all those other demigods you mustang out with but secretly despise. Or maybe this is the first time you’ve been saddled with the responsibility of bringing the Hors D’Oeuvres to the annual orifice cocktail party.
For the inexperienced it can be a real night mare.
I bet that even now some of you demigods at home are already worried about an upcoming event. Too many mouths to feed… (Hats off to whomever is catering for the Hydra right now, by the way. Kudos and commiserations, bruh.)
Well, you’re stressed now, but you won’t be furlong. Because we are here to bale you out!
So just for you, here are three, count them, THREE, Hors D’Oeuvres recipes guaranteed to stirrup the party and keep you reining surpreme.
1. Stuffed Eggs Hors D’Oeuvres
- 1 Hors
- 12 eggs
- 60g butter that’s gone almost melty
- Some mayonnaise. Like 1/4 cup or whatever. If you’re into that kind of thing.
- 1 tsp Dutch or Malaysian curry powder, or to taste. I’ll be honest I have never heard of either of those two things. I only know about Clive.
Or buy the Dutch, if you have a source. That’s cool too. And also even legal in some places.
- Pinch sweet paprika to serve
First, catch your hors.
Then locate the D’Oeuvres.
Once located, have your butcher remove them, then salt that hors and hang like a hors for at least a week.
Fill a saucepan with water, bring to a boil, then reduce heat and allow to boil gently. This is riveting stuff, is it not.
Boil the eggs for 8 minutes. Then put them in cold water, then as if you haven’t tortured them enough, crack the shells by rolling firmly on a bench, then run the eggs under cold water while removing the shells. They should be thoroughly subjugated by now.
Slice in half any nearby nonbelievers lengthways with a clean sharp knife.
Split eggs, remove yolks. Combine yolks in a food processor with the hors, all the butter and 8L mayonnaise, cos we’re totally into that kind of thing, sprinkle delicately with salt and season liberally with chopped hors and some Dutch, process until smooth.
Transfer to a piping bag with a fluted nozzle, and pipe in a circular motion to make rosettes to fill the egg whites. Or, if you live in the real world, use two mismatched teaspoons to jam that garish yellow paste back into the oval ovulates it sprang from.
Dust with paprika and serve at room temperature. Probably you could throw down some chopped chives there too so it looks like a health food.
2. Blinis with Smoked Salmon
In a medium bowl, whisk salmon like a boss.
In another bowl, beat that bastard freshly until firm peaks form. It’ll be really agitated by now.
Once salmon is subjugated and anxious, start it on one cigarette a day, working up until it’s smoking a pack a day.
Heat a griddle over moderate heat until very hot. Or a hot heat until very moderate. Apply blinis to heat. Or apply heat to blinis.
Heat your blinis, I honestly don’t care how. Use lazer vision if you are so endowed. Or borrow a neighbour’s.
Transfer the blini to a platter, (not a plate, OMG we aren’t barbarians). Top with the smoked salmon and a dollop of sour cream.
Garnish the blini with chives like nothing is wrong, and serve right away.
3. Tuna Moose
OK technically not a hors but it’s still an ungulate mammal and, frankly, rather a bit of a dish.
- 5 tablespoons unassaulted butter
- 200g drained canned tuna. (Or 17oz jarred tuna if you’re a bit old-fash).
- 5 tablespoons Moose
- 1 small roasted red pepper, chopped. Youtube it if you cannot roast a red pepper. Or just lend it to Lucifer for a few days, guaranteed it’ll be roasted when you get it back.
- Salt and freshly ground. (That’s it. Just salt dirt.)
- 2 tablespoons pine nuts that are still pining. Ideally you want these about half an hour after they experienced loss, when they are at peak suspire
- 24 thin baguette toasts. Or 23. I won’t tell if you nibble one or two on the way. Only your god can judge you.
Clean your moose. Always try to source the best quality moose you can afford.
In a food processor, combine 4 tablespoons of the butter with the cleaned moose, the tuna and red pepper, and process to a coarse puree. Season with salt and pepper.
In a small skillet, melt the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter. Add the pine nuts and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, until golden brown, about 3 minutes.
Spread about 2 teaspoons of tuna moose on each toast and transfer to a platter. Garnish with the toasted pine nuts and serve.
The moose can be refrigerated overnight. Bring to room temperature before serving.
… WITH A GLASS OF CHILLED SAUVIGNON BLANC. I DON’T KNOW EITHER, BUT MY SOMMELIER SAID TO SAY IT.
This could also serve as the mane event.